Conversations requires two sides to listen to each other but what if you are disagreeing with the thoughts of the order? We cannot deny the fact that people have various opinions regarding certain topics, but have you ever wondered how to disagree with them without you offending them? We listed down a few tips that would be useful in these situations.
How To Disagree Properly
1. They DO matter – Before disagreeing with the person in front of you, make sure to tell them that they matter to you. Reinforce your relationship with them by saying things like, “Before we give our different opinions, know that you matter so much to me and I care about you” or “I will respect all of your opinions and I hope you do the same for me”. Saying these things will make it easier for the both of you to discuss with each other. It also reminds each other that your opinions should not affect your relationship and you should respect each other even though you have different perception of things.
2. Shoo Frustration away – It is really hard to stay calm especially when you are listening to someone who might be overpowering you or have strong opinions in a discussion. It might slowly bring tension between you. It might be tempting but try to give yourself some time to calm down before answering them or voicing out your opinion again. Remember, the one you are talking to may be a friend or a nobody, but everyone deserves to be heard. Also, try to remember an experience where somebody shouted or shamed you, is it a good experience? Probably, not. So be a better person and do not do the same to others.
In dealing with difficult conversation remember that your goal is to not fight with them nor change their mind. You have 2 goals: protect your relationship with them and increase your or their understanding of the discussion. If you feel like you’re about to burst, take time to slow down, breathe and calm yourself.
3. Acknowledge the Fears – Humans are born to be free and not controlled. We have our own unique thinking and mind. This means that we have different things we believe in. We are afraid of this freedom be taken away from us and thus, we are being scared when someone questions our belief or have a different belief from us.
When discussing controversial topics, it is important to identify and recognize our fears especially when it involves someone’s belief. Acknowledging your fears during the conversation shows empathy and reminds the other party that you both are humans who might be experiencing the same thing in a different way. Also, recognizing your fears helps move the conversation to be more fruitful and may even bring the both of you to the same direction.
4. Do not assume – what’s good for you may not be the same for others. Always understand that people have different visions and versions of experiences. But it does not mean that if they experience it a little different from you, that they don’t have a say about it too. Let them know that you can understand them by saying things like: “I can understand where you are coming from” or “That’s a very good point I should’ve thought of.”
Saying these things shows that you are a person who goes beyond their opinions. You want a deeper understanding of why a person may have that opinion about certain things. Always show that the discussion is not something to create a tension but rather to calmly discuss things and share each other’s opinion. Try to interpret it in their point of view and you’ll have a better understanding on why they think that way.
5. Share your resources – sharing information makes a discussion even more reliable and help construct and uphold the beliefs. Information these days is easily obtained especially since the discovery of the internet. Make sure to find a good and reliable source and stay away from the misleading information that can be seen everywhere. Always be ready for the possibility of people questioning your resources and legitimacy. Sharing of information is a part of the process and should not be excluded.
6. Show you Understand – at the end of the conversation, you might still find yourself disagreeing with them but at least you have a better understanding about it. Everyone wants to be heard, especially when there are certain disagreements. Although there are different understanding of things, conversations should always end on a good note.